COMMUNICATION AND ADOPTION 3(3+0)

Lesson 20 : Listening

Language of the body

Good listening involves reaching into the thoughts and feeling behind a person’s words watching someone’s body language is important way of doing this. In conversation, people’s body language the way they sit or stand, what they do with their hands-conveys a subtle but telling variety of signals. These can give you important clues to their thoughts and feelings, conforming or contradicting the words they utter.

Signs of involvement
Look for the angle of the body. If someone leans forward when you start a conversation, he is clearly suggesting that he wishes to get involved. If later in the conversation, he angles his body away from you, with has legs crossed the door, his physical orientation suggests that he is less involved Similarly, if you enter a room to talk your boss, and find him leaning back, hands linked behind his head, you will probably feel uneasy.

Watch people’s eyes as well. If they wish to get involved in a conversation, they make eye contact. At the same time, bodies tilt towards one another, and barriers created by crossed legs, folded arms, hands over mouths are removed.

When watching other people’s conversation, observe the amount of space between them. Two people standing or sitting close together while talking are clearly conversing intimately. Another conversation, where the couple is taking with some distance between them, is probably more detached and formal.

Signs of unease and insecurity
A person shows that he feels the need to defend himself by folding his arms, crossing his legs, dropping his chin into his chest.
Again, watch the eyes. An unconfident person finds it hard to maintain eye contact.
Actions such as folding the arms, or rubbing arms or legs, often have similar roots- as though a person were making sure that ‘everything’ s all right’.
Some people habitually use body language that makes them look smaller than they are and apologetic. Others establish a significant presence in most situations by using expensive body language and taking up a lot of space.

Controlling your Body Language
Adapt your body language to different people and situations. If you are not getting far with someone in a conversation, you may be sending out the wrong signals. Changing your body language could change the whole tenor of the conversation.

Remember the following points.

• Don’t move your head too much
  In conversation, people focus mainly on the face and head of the other person. Too much head movement will distract from what you are saying, and suggest that you are desperate for approval.


• Don’t intrude on another person’s ‘territory’
  Expansive speakers in particular need to beware of this. People surround themselves with an area of personal space, and if this is invaded they begin to feel insecure, even annoyed.


• Use touch
  This brings warmth and friendliness to a conversation. A shake of the hands, a kiss, or a hug according to your intimacy with the other person will get a conversation off to a good start. The other person immediately feels your interest and affection, and barriers are broken down. As the conversation proceeds, proceeds, parts, touches on the arms and back, gentle prods in the ribs – all these can express understanding, sympathy, reassurance, praise, and hum our.


• Break down physical barriers
  This helps to establish good rapport. Tables and desks may give you a sense of security, but they will also make you less accessible to other.

  Some people feel powerful sitting in a large chair behind a desk, with the furniture protecting them and acting as a symbol of their authority. But remember this: sitting opposite someone immediately puts you in more confrontational position than sitting alongside that person.
  

• Control your mannerisms
  If you find it hard to keep your hands still, link them together to from a steeple and you will appear more confident.